Eons before I came running out of the dusty, dark and disappointing right cabinet and marched in to the bright and sunny dyke world, I happened to be a staunch follower of “girl rule.” Perhaps it is because I’m one of those irritating organizations born with a ravenous thirst for ~justice~ in this screwed up world. Maybe i am simply my mother’s daughter (my mummy is the moral dictator regarding the Eastern Seaboard). Or i am just a self-righteous bitch.
Regardless of reason; i have been a staunch follower of “girl rule” since those sweaty teenage human hormones banged in around age 10.
So what also
“girl signal?” female rule is actually a rule wherein all women who happen to be generally supporting regarding sex, abide by. It really is an unspoken group of rules, set-in destination generations back by all of our foremothers, assuring we take care of our sort. It really is primal. Animal.
It means that even in the event we oh-so-fiercely detest that vile witch which sits two cubicles away, we shall
offer the lady a tampon when she actually is bleeding through her bleached white denim jeans.
Girl code is actually grounded on the built-in sisterhood we give all ladies, even when do not understand all of them privately. We express an unspoken bond because only we understand the challenges, the complexities, as well as the unavoidable traumatization which comes in addition to becoming a female in a fuckboy’s world.
Once I was eleven I happened to be heartbroken whenever I witnessed smart-mouthed Brittany* a platinum-haired volleyball celebrity “take” the boyfriend of Ashley* a freckle-faced academic.
“just how CAN SHE?!” we gasped to my personal closest friend Suzie Goldstein over a carton of candy milk products during the cafeteria.
Suzie, in addition a die-hard lady coder, sadly hung the woman head. “I’m not sure, Zara. I don’t know.”
A couple of years later I experienced a “crush” on a pretty-faced long-lashed child who was simply the spitting picture of
(as I pressured me to “break” on guys, I always moved for pretty kids which bore impressive resemblances to the lovable queer lady take movie stars of today).
Difficulty had been, said son had once dated a buddy of my own. I asked her if she minded easily dated her lesbian-looking ex-boyfriend (perhaps not in those words, of course).
“however we MIND!” she screamed, flinging her red velour Juicy Couture backpack in to the air.
I vowed not to test girl code again.
Then I switched 20 and started having fun with the ~lesbians~.
I became a Sapphic little kitten new from the world and even though I decided I experienced died and gone to lesbian heaven, the one thing really confused myself (okay, a
things, nevertheless get where i am going).
Female signal did not appear to be as fiercely ingrained into my new lesbian friend party. My buddies appeared to continuously end up being online dating their unique pal’s exes, flirting with taken women and engaging in top-secret matters with girls nonetheless romantically attached to different women.
“Waitâno, you can’t accomplish that! It isn’t really FEMALE signal!” I would shriek inside my new friend Talia, a female who was usually recklessly smashing lady code together with her brown small fists.
Talia would roll her glittery green vision. “We’re lesbiansâit’s different. We’ve
“Even though there is gender with each other doesn’t mean woman signal fades the screen,” I roared with a feverish intensity I didn’t even know I had. I was 21 with ratty tresses extensions and most likely -$20.00 to my personal name, but I realized in my own cardiovascular system I was lifeless screwing correct.
Not just should queer women end up being sticking with woman code (though we perform undoubtedly, have sex with one another, quite a few sex together), it needs to be slashed even much deeper compared to girl code that is available in the heteronormative globe. Not merely tend to be we under attack by culture in particular because we’re feminine, we are additionally under attack by community most importantly because we are effing QUEER, babes! If there’s ever already been several women who should always be securely bound to the ethics of GIRL CODE, it ought to be us queers. In fact, I would personally call-it “queer rule” but that is unique thing, worth unique article.
But everyone of us, regardless of where we land regarding the sex range, all of us, which roll within the queer woman area,
be staying with girl code. No exclusions.
It is against “girl code” to aggressively strike on a female that a girlfriend.
A few months ago I became from the Cubby Hole using my friend Maggie.* A lanky lesbian with a swanky haircut emerged striding toward Maggie. She stomped up to her with that extremely intimate “vagina first” strut and she began to shamelessly flirt with little Maggie. Within a few minutes, she asked Maggie on a night out together.
Maggie smiled politely (she actually is south) and cooed, “which is truly nice, but I have a truly severe girlfriend.”
“which is as well bad. We’ll purchase you a glass or two in any event.” The lanky lesbian purred, elevating an impressively arched brow.
“don’t get worried about any of it, I managed to get it.” Maggie seemed nervously at me (the bitchy brand-new Yorker exactly who bites right back).
“i want to get you a glass or two. You’re attractive. And hey, that knows in which the relationship is going?” Lanky Lezzie cackled, all sex-eyed and throaty-voiced. She put an unwelcome hand on Maggie’s blank shoulder.
Eventually, we burst. “Guy! She’s a girlfriend! It’s not only disrespectful to Maggie, it is also disrespectful to her GIRLFRIEND. All of us are ladies! Do not betray each other such as that!” We roared, while the Lanky Lesbian easily excused herself for a smoke.
You aren’t just splitting woman code by creating another girl believe unpleasant for rejecting the improvements, you are splitting lady rule because some poor lesbian is actually resting at your home innocently chomping on a vegan burrito, as the woman sweetheart is HIT in by another woman.
I mean, maybe she would expect these types of behavior by drunken bros at the bro club, nevertheless queer club must be a secure location! I hold you to a greater standard than men (NOT PC, sorry), don’t you?
It is against “girl code” to ask a female’s permission to speak with her girlfriend.
I just was at huge queer girl celebration whenever out of the blue a haphazard girl will come strolling up to my personal sweetheart and bellows: “could i ask your girl a question?” Appropriate. In. Top. Of. Me. As if I found myselfn’t even freaking there.
Talk about smashing lady rule into the soil! You’re equating my personal femininity with weakness, and implying that my personal leather-based pants displaying girlfriend is actually my employer (GAG!), because she actually is not twirling around in a mini outfit like i will be.
PSA: You can twirl about in a minidress nevertheless have a goddamn mind.
Not only have you been busting woman rule by judging another woman entirely centered on the woman exterior appearance and personal style, you’re also getting significantly sexist. You’re asking my personal (somewhat) much more masculine presenting gf for permission to dicuss to “femmey bit myself.” Listen up ladies: This makeup lesbian has no supervisor. Not where you work. Perhaps not in life. And definitely not in drilling love.
It really is against girl rule to date, sleep with, or flirt with your pal’s ex (without seeking permission).
Have a look: periodically i do believe its entirely okay up to now a pal’s ex because lez be actual. The planet is really so tiny that internet dating a friend’s ex will eventually (probably) be inevitable. Particularly when friends are all fabulous, untamed sluts like mine, and have now furry hook up up with 90 per cent with the scene.
But baby woman! You need to ask for authorization before going into that region.
I’m sure discovering a female you relate solely to can be as uncommon as discovering a pearl in a goddamn oyster, you must hold yourself straight back if authorization is not approved.
It’s against woman rule to flirt together with your pal’s current spouse (regardless of if it’s innocent).
Near your own sight. Envision you are at a bar viewing another lady splay her feet around the hetero pal’s sweetheart. You’d think it had been significantly unsuitable, and most likely inform the girl everything about it, no? Same applies to girls on lady laps.
Trust in me I have trouble with this, major. I am obviously a lap sitting lez, from inside the most ~innocent~ of ways. We recklessly plop on the laps of homosexual males, lesbians, my personal mama, my brother and direct women alike. It’s probably a deep-rooted childhood issue of desiring passion.
But. Which is no excuse.
I was required to created some tight boundaries with regards to my friends’ girlfriends. Even in the event inside my highly mascara adorned eyes I’m not “flirting,” it is still WILDLY unacceptable personally are lapping it up on my friend’s girl. Or anybody’s gf for instance.
It can get perplexing for us gays.
Oh, all of us are girls! It indicates absolutely nothing!
But until you desire a person’s girl to (truly) sock you during the nostrils because drunkenly perch on her behalf girl’s lap: go sit in a rose bush rather. It is a far more sensible choice.
It is against girl code so that your squandered girl go homeward with a douchey stranger REGARDLESS OF IF SAID STRANGER IS A FEMALE.
If my right closest friend Ruba gets unmanageable squandered and slurs in my experience that she’s going house or apartment with some douchey searching bro who’s providing me a situation of full body creeps, I’ll pull their out from the bar throwing and yelling before We let her get into a taxi with him.
Even though the intoxicated friend is going home with an other woman (aka not a
doesn’t invariably imply she will end up being secure otherwise won’t awaken without terrible regret and embarrassment spirals. The audience is here to protect the pals from hazard AND from embarrassment spirals. Girl rule, infant.
So there really. Let me know what you believe.
Content me on Facebook
and tell me you disagree. This is a conversation, not a lecture, kitten. I am merely the self-proclaimed internet lesbian large sis, what the hell perform I’m sure?
OHâone even more thing. It is against lady signal to treat a girl you’d a one night stand with love trash. Even in the event it’s just a rando hookup (that we entirely endorse) be KIND to this lady and purchase the taxi cab residence. Women are to never address different ladies like throw away sex toys, under any circumstance.